Saturday, December 10, 2005 @ 4:14 PM
im back from the EXCELLENT esprit de corps camp. michelle said she'll send me those photos we took later when she's awake- which might be tomorrow. harhar!
this camp had personally impacted me a lot, perhaps because i came with a heart of expectation. i really want to thank God, 'cause He truly blessed me a lot during this period of time.
i was spritually dry and drained before the camp. it's like, no matter how much i try to worship, i can't find him. so i stopped. but i really tried so hard. i accounted about this to siew luan. she said she had experience times like these before too, and it's God trying to show us how it'd be like without Him. and man, it was LOVE-LESS. terrible.
this went on for 3-4 months, and i was dying. then just a few days before camp, God sent some people into my life and reminded me of my life purpose, how God really love me, and ALL the things i find it IMPOSSIBLE to forget but i actually forget. then i got back to God. God used me a lot within those few days before camp, and i grew a lot- especially in faith.
and i find myself maturing. harhar. sounds dumb, but yes. okayy- i may look like some ki siao on the outside and all that and hyperactive but i think i'm spiritually growing. it's amazing how God could use me. i realized one thing- whenever im sharing, i may look confident and all. but seriously- IM VERY SCARED I WAS TREMBLING. but it was just so amazing how God could use me to speak out. and really. woah. harhar. and i'm amazed how God grew me from a LOVELESS person i was once into someone who would cry for her sheep every night.
okayy. girls, sisters. if i suddenly very moody, it's probably 'cause my sheep wasn't doing well.
i learnt a lot, grew a lot, in the camp. especially in faith. but i haven't have enough.
one of my sheep- she was a very emotional person. it was hard, really hard, for me to help her. 'cause she never really tell me about her. and so many times, she would cry for no reason, or reasons i don't understand. she's emotional. but i love her. i really do. and every night, every moment, i would be thinking about her. and i pray, every night, every time i could for her. and i cried, i cried so many times for her. but seriously- this made me so emotional drained. but i'll stand strong.
i needed wisdom. i needed more understandng and more sensitivity towards her. i need to grow for her. because i know it hurts God a thousand millions times more than me to see her like that, and i don't want to see her shed any more tears, and NEVER do i want to see God cry. so father, please answer my prayer. help this sister. help me. help us and grow us, into people who would truly touch your heart and love you and amaze you with out faith.
by faith, i want to believe, she will be all well by next year march. (:
and of course! by faith! HOLY INNOCENTS' HIGH WILL GROW INTO A UNIT BY THE NEXT CAMP! XD
God gave me a vision in the camp, that during the altar call of the next camp, i will be praying for a SUB-DISTRICT in HIHS. im not being emotionally high, i'm being convicted about God's truth and the faith i have in Him. He's my father, and He will do ALL things to fulfill the promises i have with Him- as long as i BELIEVE.
Amen.